HUNTER-GATHERING: wild & fresh food: Homemade Cheeeeee-eeeese!: Basic, simple, easy Cheese.

“A dessert without cheese is like a beautiful women with only one eye”.

Of all the Garbage that came out of this particular French Gastranome’s mouth, this is the only real gem. The more well-known and much publicised “Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are” have graced many a food writer’s page- clearly a quote for the uninspired…

It has been longer than usual, I promised cheese a while ago until a badger got in the way. There have been a few comments about the gore factor of the final picture on the badger post, I hold up my hands: it’s important to know where your food comes from, there is no reason you should not see the more unpleasant scenes of badger butchery that I had to witness!

Making cheese at home, albeit a simple one is so incredibly easy, I felt like a fool for not doing it before. The mention of “Rennet” and “pharmacy” had always put me off…I am no Heston. I enjoy my Dorset Blue Vinny as much as the next man (it’s on the wish list for when I get out…of the treehouse that is), but I am talking about creating a cheese way more simple and instant than that: Queso Blanco, Paneer or Halloumi. Call it what you will, it is an instant hit of cheesy goodness.

So when you are a tree-dweller with no cow to milk, what do you do? Supermarket? No. Dairy farm over the hill? Yes! When I spoke to James, the man running the show, he said all his milk ended up in Sainsburys…oh the irony!

“I was hoping I could do a little work for you in return for some milk?”, said I.

“How much are you after?”

“About 8 Cups…”

“That’s about 10 minutes work! With all the health and safety I would have to take you through, you can just have it!”

I was now taking foraging to a new level, the pointless barter: a bit like offering to pay someone for a glass of tap water.

The first thing I noticed about the dairy farm was the smell: Surely the unwashed armpit of Satan’s toilet cleaner couldn’t smell this bad?! Much retching and heaving was quickly followed by a slap around the face from myself…I live in tree in the country, I should be used to this shit. And sure enough once the nostrils were re-aligned: the aroma had softened.

James was as good as his word and let me fill my container with well over 8 cups. Perfect, pure un-pasturised milk is quite something to behold. I think dairy farmers are well aware of this, they then send it off to the likes of “Dairy crest” to bugger about with it before we get our hands on it in the mupersarket, Clever!

Off I trundled back to my tree to make a lip-smackingly good cup of tea before getting bogged down in the uncomplicated mess of making cheese.

My staples included the only other two ingredients needed to make a “Sussex” form of halloumi…I decided this cheese would forever be known to me as “Heave” after my experience of gathering the raw material.

Sussex Heave.

8 cups (1800ml) of Milk: whole milk from a supermarket is fine, but much better from the source!)
¼ cup (55ml) Cider vinegar
1 ½ TSP of fine grain Salt

Heat the milk for 20-25 minutes, making sure the temperature DOESN’T go above 90C/185F. give it a good stir occasionally to make sure the heat is evenly distributed.

Slowly add the vinegar and stir, remove from heat and allow to sit for 10 minutes.

By now you should have a collection of curds and whey. Get a big slotted spoon and take out all the curds and put them into a sieve over a bowl to drain.

Once drained, empty the bowl of any excess whey and tip in the curds. Add the salt and stir vigorously, at this stage feel free to add any cheeky extras: chilli flakes, chopped black olives, basil, sundried tomatoes etc.

Now, tip the curds onto some muslin, tie up tightly, and hang over a bowl for 1 hour to drain any excess moisture.

To weigh the cheese, you need to put it in some sort of press/mould, the best probably something of the household variety…if in the sticks use a brick and two old tuppawares! Leave in the press for 3-4 hours.

Eat as god intended or fry up in a hot pan till golden brown and scoff with a good squeeze of lemon juice!

If you can hold off eating it all at once, it will keep in a fridge for up to a week…apparently, according to online resources.

Making cheese is a certainly something I would suggest adding to your cook’s armoury, so if you find yourself in the arse-end of nowhere, there is always something to do and enjoy.

What else has been going on? I have made a cider press using a car jack, not yet seen my appearance on Market Kitchen, had my editor pop down for a it of book discussion and had some friends come and experience life on the wild side: team Inverawe came down for some Jam making, bread building and a plethora of mild-mannered tomfoolery. To quote one Emma Campbell-Prestwick: “Oh my god…your bed is actually a bed!”

What did you think it was love…a steam roller?

Follow me on Twitter!

Comments

I'm not a fan of cheese - but this was interesting! I love that last picture of you and your friends.

Posted by: ErikaJean | September 21, 2009 at 12:40 AM

Nick you should change this blog to "Heaver Gatherer" and have a picture of you heaving (would go perfectly with you know what just below)... ;-)

So when are you actually leaving the treehouse? How do you feel about being there after nearly 6 months?

Posted by: Giles | September 21, 2009 at 07:24 AM

Fantastic! Great idea to fry it up...
This reminds me of my last proper boyfriend, a complete David Icke obsessive and nutter, but a fantastic carpenter and hunter/gatherer.
He built my shed (on latest post) out of skipped materials.
He used to only eat 'freegan' stuff out of supermarket bins. Once he got a huge amount of milk (pasteurised though so not as good as what you got,lucky you can't be pregnant). He made all these cheese moulds out of tin cans punctured with holes.
The stuff tasted really good.
He also made his own fruit press, a barbecue out of a wheel hub, a chandelier from a bicycle frame and a fire bath which is a bath you fill with water then light a fire underneath. (I've now got one in my garden).
I suppose it's going to get a bit tougher for you in the winter months and I look forward to reading how you get on.
Let me know when I can come down...I have dinners this weekend then a gap for two weeks except for a tea on the 4th.

Posted by: msmarmitelover | September 21, 2009 at 08:10 AM